Thursday, April 2, 2009

down to the drain.


I always believe if i try giving in , try putting in , try changing maybe the outcome will be different .

why do i say this ?

In my longest r/s; i was super demanding, super stubborn , super fcuked up,super possesive , super tempremental etc ..

i put my friends as priority and him as nothing . ( i always throw him alone at home when my friends calls )

Only i can go out & he cannot! There can only be me and me and STILL ME in his life.

all and all leaded to quarrellings and fightings and i always demands my way through quarrelings and i never failed to come out with shitty reasonings . ( & i always win because I CALLS THE SHOTS! )

Cause he never failed to give in to me even though i`m talking rubbish .

dont understand ?
For eg , i went clubbing with friends & i promised i`ll be home early and not drunk . (I`m always drunk and not home early) Than i`ll come out with excuses like ," the taxi uncle la! dont know the roads well " , " no cab at all lohs! i waited almost 2 hours lei " , " my hp batt empty cannot check time " etc etc ..

But all he does was kept quiet and somehow convinced himself to believe what i say was true because he doesnt ask anymore after i gave my explanation(s).

- & i always believe the reason for our break up 1 year 9 months later was because he had enough of all my nonsense , he can no longer stand me anymore and the hatred builded up "over-powered" the love he had for me .

& SO i told myself if i ever have a chance to fall in love again , i dont wana be like this . I wana try giving in , changing , being less petty & less demanding .

This time round , i`ve tried . I tried changing , i tried being less petty , i tried loving , i tried putting in , i tried giving in .

& i realise its not easy always giving in . * salute to my ex-bf even though he hurts me badly *

But the outcome was worse than what i have expected & i totally have no clue why it ended up like this .

Lesson learned here;

-Its not a 100% return even if you put in ur best .
-Even if u tried changing , he will never notice/demands more . Than it will be never-ending.
-Its not easy trying to give in . ( even though its worth exchanging for the smile on his face )

-ty all for the sms (concerns) upon reading my last night post. (:
-ty all for fooling me because its april fool. ~.~
-ty Kj for coming over to have dinner with me and Kevin plus giving me this extra huge huggable . (:
* notes *
(why kevin ? cause Sheryl seah dua`ed us! she was suppose to be back in singapore TODAY but she extended her stay .)

It shall be my everynight companion from today onwards . It shall listen to all my rantings when i needed someone and no ones there. It shall lie next to me and hear me cry in the middle of the night till i found someone to replace it . (:

- * pardon my lousy quality webcam =.= *

YA! my naked face with no make up! =.= laugh all u want .
my shitty phone is giving me super loads of problems . i guess its gona die on me soon . Happy Happy the colour sibei chio , not happy the colour like got colour bo colour like that =.=

SEE! its huge !

I`ve tried and i`m moving on since u want me back no more (: thanks for being part of me . Memories shall stay and remain deep down in my heart . I`ve learned to forget myself , making u as priority when i`m with you . *smiles* because we did met at the path of life for at least once.

i`ve never once regreted being ur gf (:

the letters i failed to pass it to him on our 1st month because it went missing o.o
& i guess i wont have the chance anymore (:

Some say what yours is yours. Even if you let go now , they will be back someday .( be it by chance or fate)
& whats not yours , will be gone . ( it just a matter of time )

WHILE others say happiness is to be persued because fate is in your own hand.
Once missed, they might never be back causing u to regret.

which is true?

Alright time for some dota than i shall go off to bed (if possible) . I must turn back my timing !! omg ~

i teared while blogging because i chanced upon this song (:

p/s; uoooyysssssssimmi

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